As most of you know, I have been editing the book I wrote for NaNo2014. Today I want to give you a general outline of my process so far, and the first ever look at the book I've been blogging about for months!
My first step came immediately after finished the book in November. With a heavy sigh, I prepared myself to reread my manuscript.
If there is anything that is the definition of "discouraging", it's re-reading an unedited manuscript.
It wasn't pretty.
As I re-read, I was entering the chapters into a magical program called Scriptito. (You will be hearing me sing its praises much more often). It's pretty much Scrivener for free. Which is awesome.
As I put in my manuscript, I read my chapters and I used the Note tool on Scriptito (which is a gift from Heaven above) and made a note of what I thought needed changing in the first round of edits.
What I am focusing on this go-round is mostly continuity. My story got all jumbled up near the end because I decided this was going to be a series, and I had put too large of an obstacle in the first half of my book to have a proper build in all the rest of the books in the series. This put me moving that to the back of the book and everything that came after got positively scrambled. So far I'm only about ten chapters into editing, so in the chapters that are in their proper order I'm doing some basic edits. I'm trying to enrich the scenes and fix character arcs to fit the plot. It's actually a lot more work than I expected.
Honestly, it's really discouraging. You go back and look at the things you spent so much time on, and they're just bad. You see everything you did wrong and it starts to look like it's a better idea just to forget it. It is a brutal process, because you feel like you're undoing everything you've built. It is humbling, to say the least, but in the end I know my book will be better for it. Thus, I struggle on.
How do you do it?
Good question. There's a lot of pulling my hair, hiding my face in pillows, and desiring to throw my computer across the room.
In seriousness, I take the chapter I'm working on, refer to my notes, and rework.
This is Chapter Four/Five of my story (I deleted the scene before it, so I'm really not sure what number it is). It's been my go-to chapter when people want to see what my story is about, because it is really where the story kicks into action. Remember, this is the unedited version.
~~~
Kate knocked briskly on Timothy's door. There was no reply, so she stood on the stoop and waited. The house was small, but nicer than some she had seen in the poorer sections of Haddon. The paint on the door was chipped and peeling. The walls were brick, and looked to be in decent shape.
She knocked again, and this time the door opened.
Timothy stood there, looking even worse than he had the previous day.
"Hi." Kate smiled, despite the worry she felt for her friend.
He attempted to return the gesture. "Hullo, love."
"I gotcha somethin'." She pulled out the gloves from behind her back and presented them to him.
He looked at them, almost alarmed, before he looked back up at her. "How on earth did you afford these?"
"I'm friends with a shopkeeper."
"Kate, I can't accept this gift. It was kind of you, and I really do appreciate it, but I just... can't."
"Timothy, I want you to. You need gloves an' you know it, so stop fightin' about it and just keep 'em."
He paused, before relenting. "Alright. Can't win an argument with you, anyways."
She laughed and crossed her arms. "Well, aren't you gonna invite me in?"
"Oh! Yes, sorry. Please, come in, if you want." He stepped to the side and she entered his house.
She looked around and smiled. "Boy, you really should think about hiring a 'ousekeeper."
He blushed slightly. "Sorry, I know it's a mess..." He walked across the room and began attempting to clear off some of the pieces of machinery on the couch.
Kate joined him.
"Sorry, I'm just... too busy to clean, most of the time."
"I understand." She picked up something that looked to be from a bicycle.
He took an armload of junk. "Be right back, gonna put this upstairs."
"A'right." She watched him disappear up the stairs before continuing to browse the items in his parlor.
A small sphere lying on the hardwood floor caught Kate's eye. It was made of some sort of clear, smooth material, like glass. She could see gears and cogs on the inside. The thing clicked steadily.
"Well, what's this?"
She gently picked it up and turned it around in her hands. It was heavy.
A hatch on the glass opened and a set of binocular-like eyes emerged. The thing whirred and clicked rapidly. The eyes blinked at her.
Kate yelped in surprise, nearly dropping the ball.
Timothy came bounding down the stairs. "Kate! Is everything alright?" He stopped when he saw the ball she was holding. "Ah."
"Ah? What even is this thing? It won't stop looking at me!"
The ball blinked curiously.
Timothy took it from her, caressing it. "This is Blinker."
"It's... it's an automaton."
"Of sorts, yeah."
"Weren't those outlawed...?"
"He's safe if no one says anything about him being here."
"I won't tell if you won't."
Timothy smiled at her and put the little ball down. It was still blinking.
"Why does it do that?"
"What?"
"The..."
"Oh, the blinking?"
"Yeah."
"Let's show 'er, then."
The little ball retracted its 'eyes' and rolled back and forth in every direction, gaining speed with each turn.
Kate opened her mouth to ask what it was doing, but Timothy silenced her.
As suddenly as it began, the machine stopped. Its' eyes came back out, and just behind them a piece of paper stuck out.
Timothy bent down and removed the paper, offering it to Kate.
She laughed when she saw the picture. Apparently it had been taken the first moment she picked up Blinker. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was open in shock.
"He certainly does 'ave an odd sense of 'umor." Timothy nudged the bot with his foot. "'e's a good companion, anyways. Been working on 'im for years."
"Is he why you keep all the old parts?"
"Part of the reason, yeah. It's hard to find little pieces like I need, and I sure can't buy them."
"You know what would happen if you got caught with 'im, don't you?"
He looked down. "Yeah. But it's worth it, honestly."
"I think so too."
Kate sat down on the part of the couch they had cleared off.
"So, Timothy, what is it you wanted to talk about?"
Timothy's face immediately fell.
"Look, I don't mean to upset you or anythin'. I just need to know what's goin' on. Honestly, you're scarin' me, an I really don't like it."
"I am...?"
"You look awful. 'ow much sleep have you 'ad lately, anyways?"
He ran his hand through his unruly hair. "Not enough."
"Well then." Kate motioned to the empty seat next to her on the dirty, faded couch. "Just tell me what's happened to you."
He sat down, somewhat cautiously, as if unsure about sitting so close to her.
She subtly leaned closer to him. "Timothy, if you don't tell me I can't help."
"It's not somethin' you can help, love." There was pain in his cloudy green eyes. "I'm afraid... I'm afraid we're gonna die."
"What?" Kate pulled back in surprise.
"I'm sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry."
"How on earth do you know this?"
"I don't... I'm not sure."
"You're not making any sense, mate."
"I know, I'm sorry. But you've gotta believe me."
"Gotta?"
He put his hands on her shoulders and stared her in the eyes. "I can promise you on everythin' I own, everythin' I am, that soon we're going to die."
She gently pushed his hands away, worried. "Ah... Timothy, I'm really not sure if you're quite well."
"I'm fine, Kate."
She looked down and pushed her short hair back from her face. "Listen, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Tell me exactly what you're trying to say."
"I have."
"Just, one more time. I'm pretty clever when it comes to picking out a liar."
He took a deep breath, and she looked up.
"Okay."
"We are going to die. I don't know how, I just know that it will be soon. I know that we have to die. I've known for a few days now, but I was too scared to tell you; I didn't want you to think I was crazy. Every day it's only gotten worse, only gotten stronger." He was wide open, honest and pure. All his emotions were written on his face.
There was no way he was lying.
Still, Kate doubted. Perhaps he had been working too hard, not getting enough sleep. Regardless, he truly believed the things he said.
Maybe he was right.
The thought settled in the pit of her stomach, sending a thrill of fear through her entire body. She tried to keep her expression from changing.
"Well. You know we're going to die, right?"
"Yes."
"Then we'll just have to stop that from 'appening, now won't we?"
"What?"
"We'll just have to find a way around it."
"Kate, no!" He stood up and began to pace, like he always did when he was under stress. "We can't."
For some reason, his statement angered her. "Well why not? You said you knew what was gonna happen, why shouldn't we avoid it?"
"Because it has to 'appen. That's the way it's meant to be, love."
"Meant to be?"
He sighed, still pacing. "We're dying for a reason, so something greater can 'appen. So that things will get better for a whole lot of people. We've got to die so others can live."
Kate laughed cynically. "Well, that explains everything. We die as martyrs for a cause we don't even know about."
"Please believe me, love..."
"Timothy, look. I'm givin' you the benefit of the doubt about this whole 'premonition' thing, but if someone tells me that I'm gonna be dead in a few days, I'm gonna do every stinkin' thing I can to make sure that doesn't 'appen. For the better of others or no, I'm not ready to go just yet."
"Kate, you don't understand."
"I'm pretty sure I do."
Timothy honestly looked distraught. "Kate, please. Try and see this my way."
"You want to lay down and die? You do that. I refuse to." She stood up, a mix of panic and anger flooding her mind.
"Kate, love, please don't go."
"We can talk about this later." The words came out much sharper than she intended, and in her friend's eyes she could see that he had felt the cut.
She stalked towards the door and flung it open. To her shock, there was a man standing there. He wore the blue and silver uniform of the royal guard.
Her heart cried out in fear. They've found me. She attempted to keep her composure and waited for him to speak.
"Kate Thompson?"
"Yes." Her voice quivered slightly.
He reached out and roughly grabbed her arm, pinning it behind her.
"Timothy!" she screamed. "Timothy, get out!"
A moment later, he came running from the parlor.
She gritted her teeth in frustration. Fool boy.
The head guard shoved her forward and to the side, kicking the back of her knees, forcing her to kneel on the floor.
Three men rushed forward to apprehend Timothy; he was no match for them.
After a few moments of struggle, he also was kneeling on the floor.
"What's all this about?" His voice was surprisingly hard, harder than Kate had ever heard from him. "You've no right to arrest this woman."
Something in her heart pulled at the realization that he would never plead for himself, only for her.
The head guard, or so Kate guessed he was, cleared his throat. He had red hair and a short, copper beard.
"I think you'll find we have every right."
"We've done nothing!" Kate struggled against the man holding her hands behind her, but he was strong.
"You have been arrested for crimes against the Crown."
"What crimes?"
"Undisclosed."
Timothy's eyes lit up with rage. "You can't do this. Arrest us and then don't tell us why?"
"Orders from the captain."
"You can say that all you want, it's not right for you to do this."
The smart remark earned Kate a slap from one of the troops nearby.
"Leave her alone!" Timothy never yelled.
The leader seemed uncomfortable. "I am... sorry. I wish I could tell your crime, but I cannot."
"Sure," Kate muttered, her face still stinging from the blow.
"We are to take them back to the prison now. You..." He paused, almost regretfully. "You are to be executed at the setting of the sun."
Kate couldn't keep the fear from choking out all rational thought in her mind. Timothy's voice echoed in her mind. We're gonna die.
Next to her, he hung his head. "I'm so sorry." His voice broke, too heavy with emotion to stay strong. "I didn't know it would be today. I'm so sorry."
They were both roughly shoved to their feet and made to walk forward, out into the sunlit street. Kate was silent, and kept her eyes down. Timothy walked next to her, still muttering apologies.
I can't believe he was right.
Kate knocked briskly on Timothy's door. There was no reply, so she stood on the stoop and waited. The house was small, but nicer than some she had seen in the poorer sections of Haddon. The paint on the door was chipped and peeling. The walls were brick, and looked to be in decent shape.
She knocked again, and this time the door opened.
Timothy stood there, looking even worse than he had the previous day.
"Hi." Kate smiled, despite the worry she felt for her friend.
He attempted to return the gesture. "Hullo, love."
"I gotcha somethin'." She pulled out the gloves from behind her back and presented them to him.
He looked at them, almost alarmed, before he looked back up at her. "How on earth did you afford these?"
"I'm friends with a shopkeeper."
"Kate, I can't accept this gift. It was kind of you, and I really do appreciate it, but I just... can't."
"Timothy, I want you to. You need gloves an' you know it, so stop fightin' about it and just keep 'em."
He paused, before relenting. "Alright. Can't win an argument with you, anyways."
She laughed and crossed her arms. "Well, aren't you gonna invite me in?"
"Oh! Yes, sorry. Please, come in, if you want." He stepped to the side and she entered his house.
She looked around and smiled. "Boy, you really should think about hiring a 'ousekeeper."
He blushed slightly. "Sorry, I know it's a mess..." He walked across the room and began attempting to clear off some of the pieces of machinery on the couch.
Kate joined him.
"Sorry, I'm just... too busy to clean, most of the time."
"I understand." She picked up something that looked to be from a bicycle.
He took an armload of junk. "Be right back, gonna put this upstairs."
"A'right." She watched him disappear up the stairs before continuing to browse the items in his parlor.
A small sphere lying on the hardwood floor caught Kate's eye. It was made of some sort of clear, smooth material, like glass. She could see gears and cogs on the inside. The thing clicked steadily.
"Well, what's this?"
She gently picked it up and turned it around in her hands. It was heavy.
A hatch on the glass opened and a set of binocular-like eyes emerged. The thing whirred and clicked rapidly. The eyes blinked at her.
Kate yelped in surprise, nearly dropping the ball.
Timothy came bounding down the stairs. "Kate! Is everything alright?" He stopped when he saw the ball she was holding. "Ah."
"Ah? What even is this thing? It won't stop looking at me!"
The ball blinked curiously.
Timothy took it from her, caressing it. "This is Blinker."
"It's... it's an automaton."
"Of sorts, yeah."
"Weren't those outlawed...?"
"He's safe if no one says anything about him being here."
"I won't tell if you won't."
Timothy smiled at her and put the little ball down. It was still blinking.
"Why does it do that?"
"What?"
"The..."
"Oh, the blinking?"
"Yeah."
"Let's show 'er, then."
The little ball retracted its 'eyes' and rolled back and forth in every direction, gaining speed with each turn.
Kate opened her mouth to ask what it was doing, but Timothy silenced her.
As suddenly as it began, the machine stopped. Its' eyes came back out, and just behind them a piece of paper stuck out.
Timothy bent down and removed the paper, offering it to Kate.
She laughed when she saw the picture. Apparently it had been taken the first moment she picked up Blinker. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was open in shock.
"He certainly does 'ave an odd sense of 'umor." Timothy nudged the bot with his foot. "'e's a good companion, anyways. Been working on 'im for years."
"Is he why you keep all the old parts?"
"Part of the reason, yeah. It's hard to find little pieces like I need, and I sure can't buy them."
"You know what would happen if you got caught with 'im, don't you?"
He looked down. "Yeah. But it's worth it, honestly."
"I think so too."
Kate sat down on the part of the couch they had cleared off.
"So, Timothy, what is it you wanted to talk about?"
Timothy's face immediately fell.
"Look, I don't mean to upset you or anythin'. I just need to know what's goin' on. Honestly, you're scarin' me, an I really don't like it."
"I am...?"
"You look awful. 'ow much sleep have you 'ad lately, anyways?"
He ran his hand through his unruly hair. "Not enough."
"Well then." Kate motioned to the empty seat next to her on the dirty, faded couch. "Just tell me what's happened to you."
He sat down, somewhat cautiously, as if unsure about sitting so close to her.
She subtly leaned closer to him. "Timothy, if you don't tell me I can't help."
"It's not somethin' you can help, love." There was pain in his cloudy green eyes. "I'm afraid... I'm afraid we're gonna die."
"What?" Kate pulled back in surprise.
"I'm sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry."
"How on earth do you know this?"
"I don't... I'm not sure."
"You're not making any sense, mate."
"I know, I'm sorry. But you've gotta believe me."
"Gotta?"
He put his hands on her shoulders and stared her in the eyes. "I can promise you on everythin' I own, everythin' I am, that soon we're going to die."
She gently pushed his hands away, worried. "Ah... Timothy, I'm really not sure if you're quite well."
"I'm fine, Kate."
She looked down and pushed her short hair back from her face. "Listen, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Tell me exactly what you're trying to say."
"I have."
"Just, one more time. I'm pretty clever when it comes to picking out a liar."
He took a deep breath, and she looked up.
"Okay."
"We are going to die. I don't know how, I just know that it will be soon. I know that we have to die. I've known for a few days now, but I was too scared to tell you; I didn't want you to think I was crazy. Every day it's only gotten worse, only gotten stronger." He was wide open, honest and pure. All his emotions were written on his face.
There was no way he was lying.
Still, Kate doubted. Perhaps he had been working too hard, not getting enough sleep. Regardless, he truly believed the things he said.
Maybe he was right.
The thought settled in the pit of her stomach, sending a thrill of fear through her entire body. She tried to keep her expression from changing.
"Well. You know we're going to die, right?"
"Yes."
"Then we'll just have to stop that from 'appening, now won't we?"
"What?"
"We'll just have to find a way around it."
"Kate, no!" He stood up and began to pace, like he always did when he was under stress. "We can't."
For some reason, his statement angered her. "Well why not? You said you knew what was gonna happen, why shouldn't we avoid it?"
"Because it has to 'appen. That's the way it's meant to be, love."
"Meant to be?"
He sighed, still pacing. "We're dying for a reason, so something greater can 'appen. So that things will get better for a whole lot of people. We've got to die so others can live."
Kate laughed cynically. "Well, that explains everything. We die as martyrs for a cause we don't even know about."
"Please believe me, love..."
"Timothy, look. I'm givin' you the benefit of the doubt about this whole 'premonition' thing, but if someone tells me that I'm gonna be dead in a few days, I'm gonna do every stinkin' thing I can to make sure that doesn't 'appen. For the better of others or no, I'm not ready to go just yet."
"Kate, you don't understand."
"I'm pretty sure I do."
Timothy honestly looked distraught. "Kate, please. Try and see this my way."
"You want to lay down and die? You do that. I refuse to." She stood up, a mix of panic and anger flooding her mind.
"Kate, love, please don't go."
"We can talk about this later." The words came out much sharper than she intended, and in her friend's eyes she could see that he had felt the cut.
She stalked towards the door and flung it open. To her shock, there was a man standing there. He wore the blue and silver uniform of the royal guard.
Her heart cried out in fear. They've found me. She attempted to keep her composure and waited for him to speak.
"Kate Thompson?"
"Yes." Her voice quivered slightly.
He reached out and roughly grabbed her arm, pinning it behind her.
"Timothy!" she screamed. "Timothy, get out!"
A moment later, he came running from the parlor.
She gritted her teeth in frustration. Fool boy.
The head guard shoved her forward and to the side, kicking the back of her knees, forcing her to kneel on the floor.
Three men rushed forward to apprehend Timothy; he was no match for them.
After a few moments of struggle, he also was kneeling on the floor.
"What's all this about?" His voice was surprisingly hard, harder than Kate had ever heard from him. "You've no right to arrest this woman."
Something in her heart pulled at the realization that he would never plead for himself, only for her.
The head guard, or so Kate guessed he was, cleared his throat. He had red hair and a short, copper beard.
"I think you'll find we have every right."
"We've done nothing!" Kate struggled against the man holding her hands behind her, but he was strong.
"You have been arrested for crimes against the Crown."
"What crimes?"
"Undisclosed."
Timothy's eyes lit up with rage. "You can't do this. Arrest us and then don't tell us why?"
"Orders from the captain."
"You can say that all you want, it's not right for you to do this."
The smart remark earned Kate a slap from one of the troops nearby.
"Leave her alone!" Timothy never yelled.
The leader seemed uncomfortable. "I am... sorry. I wish I could tell your crime, but I cannot."
"Sure," Kate muttered, her face still stinging from the blow.
"We are to take them back to the prison now. You..." He paused, almost regretfully. "You are to be executed at the setting of the sun."
Kate couldn't keep the fear from choking out all rational thought in her mind. Timothy's voice echoed in her mind. We're gonna die.
Next to her, he hung his head. "I'm so sorry." His voice broke, too heavy with emotion to stay strong. "I didn't know it would be today. I'm so sorry."
They were both roughly shoved to their feet and made to walk forward, out into the sunlit street. Kate was silent, and kept her eyes down. Timothy walked next to her, still muttering apologies.
I can't believe he was right.
~~~
It's not a total disaster, right? I mean, it's rough in some places, but it's not the worst work I've ever done. However, I aim to make it the best.
Here's the notes I made on it.
Yes, my first character cut. As much as I dearly love Blinker, the little fella added nothing to the story. After the first 10,000 words, he pretty much disappears. I take that as a sign the story doesn't need him right now, but I'm keeping him in mind for the other books in the series.
Cutting all mention of him dropped 500 words from this chapter. I didn't realize how hard it would be seeing the word count I worked so hard for go down. Honestly, that's been the hardest part. As I previously mentioned, I deleted another scene (nearly 700 words) that added to my disappointment.
Sadly, to build anything up it seems one must first tear things down.
This is the second draft of the scene, with Blinker removed. The biggest thing I did was check Kate's emotion, as she is a much harder person than I originally expected.
~~~
Kate knocked briskly on Timothy's door. There was no reply, so she stood on the stoop and waited. The house was small, but nicer than some she had seen in the poorer sections of Haddon. The paint on the door was chipped and peeling, but the brick walls looked to be in decent shape.
She knocked again, and this time the door opened.
Timothy stood there, the circles under his eyes even darker and his shoulders drooping even more, is if he were carrying the entire world on them.
"Hi." Kate smiled, despite the worry that so suddenly descended upon her heart.
He turned the corners of his mouth upward, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "Hullo, love."
"I gotcha somethin'." She pulled out the gloves from behind her back and presented them to him.
He looked at them, almost alarmed, before he looked back up at her. There was confusion in his emerald eyes. "How on earth did you afford these?"
"I'm friends with a shopkeeper."
"Kate, I can't accept this gift. It was kind of you, and I really do appreciate it, but I just... can't."
"Timothy, I want you to. You need gloves an' you know it, so stop fightin' about it and just keep 'em."
He paused, before relenting. "Alright. Can't win an argument with you, anyways." He took the gloves and held them carefully, as if he feared he might damage them.
She laughed and crossed her arms. "Well, aren't you gonna invite me in?"
"Oh! Yes, sorry. Please, come in, if you want." He stepped to the side and she entered his house, his cheeks tinged with pink.
She looked around and shook her head. "Boy, you really should think about hiring a 'ousekeeper."
He blushed even harder. "Sorry, I know it's a mess..." He walked across the room and began attempting to clear off some of the pieces of machinery on the faded couch.
Kate joined him.
"Sorry, I'm just... too busy to clean, most of the time."
She playfully bumped his shoulder as she picked up something that looked to be from an old bicycle. "You know I understand."
He took an armload of junk. "Be right back, gonna put this upstairs."
"A'right." She watched him disappear up the stairs before continuing to browse the items in his parlor. He had collected all sorts of things, some that would go for good money if he were to sell them. Timothy loved to build. His hands were large, but gentle, used to handling delicate machines that could easily shatter if one was not careful. As Kate picked up some of pieces herself, she could imagine the way he would run his fingers across them, gently discovering their secrets and fixing what was broken. Something inside of her flared up, a feeling that alarmed and disturbed her. She couldn't place feeling it before. Was it tenderness? Affection? If it was affection, it was a strange breed that she had not known before.
She wasn't sure if she was very fond of it.
Timothy came down the stars, still holding the gloves. "Sorry it took a while, 'ad to find someplace to put the stuff." He looked around and sighed. "One of these days I'll clear this place out."
"Don't worry 'bout it." Kate sat down on the part of the couch they had cleared off. "So, Timothy, what is it you wanted to talk about?"
Timothy's face immediately fell.
"Look, I don't mean to upset you or anythin'. I just need to know what's goin' on. Honestly, you're scarin' me, an I really don't like it."
"I am...?"
"You look awful. 'ow much sleep have you 'ad lately, anyways?"
He ran his hand through his unruly hair. "Not enough."
"Well then." Kate motioned to the empty seat next to her on the dirty, faded couch. "Just tell me what's happened to you."
He sat down, somewhat cautiously, as if unsure about sitting so close to her.
She leaned towards him, searching his face with her eyes. "Timothy, if you don't tell me I can't help."
"It's not somethin' you can help, love." When he looked up, there was a storm in his eyes. Fear and concern and confusion all mixed together. "I'm afraid... I'm afraid we're gonna die."
"What?" Kate pulled back in surprise, her mind reeling with the new information.
"I'm sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry." His voice cracked.
"How on earth do you know this?"
"I don't... I'm not sure."
"You're not making any sense, mate." Kate's heart was beating faster than normal. There is no way he's serious. We're going to die? How on earth does he know?
"I know, I'm sorry. But you've gotta believe me."
"Gotta?"
He put his hands on her shoulders and stared her in the eyes, more forward than she could ever remember him being. The serious expression on his face scared her. "I can promise you on everythin' I own, everythin' I am, that soon we're going to die."
She gently pushed his hands away. "Ah... Timothy, I'm really not sure if you're quite well."
"I'm fine, Kate."
She looked down and pushed her short hair back from her face. "Listen, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Tell me exactly what you're trying to say."
"I have."
"Just, one more time. I'm pretty clever when it comes to picking out a liar."
He took a deep breath, and she looked up, studying his face again. "Go."
"We are going to die. I don't know how, I just know that it will be soon. I know that we have to die. I've known for a few days now, but I was too scared to tell you; I didn't want you to think I was crazy. Every day it's only gotten worse, only gotten stronger." He was wide open, honest and pure. All his emotions were written on his face.
There was no way he was lying, but it was equally impossible that he was telling the truth. He had been working too hard, not getting enough sleep. Just because he believes it, doesn't mean it's true.
"I'm not crazy."
"No, no. I don't think you're crazy." She chose her words carefully, not wanting to offend Timothy.
"I don't... I don't know why all this 'appening." He looked truly broken, his face downcast and his voice heavy.
"Well. You know we're going to die, right?"
"Yes."
"Then we'll just have to stop that from 'appening, now won't we?"
"What?"
"We'll just have to find a way around it."
"Kate, no!" He stood up and began to pace, like he always did when he was under stress. "We can't."
For some reason, his statement angered her. Fire rose in her heart. "Well why not? You said you knew what was gonna happen, why shouldn't we avoid it?"
"Because it has to 'appen. That's the way it's meant to be, love."
"Meant to be?"
He sighed, still pacing. "We're dying for a reason, so something greater can 'appen. So that things will get better for a whole lot of people. We've got to die so others can live."
Kate laughed cynically. "Well, that explains everything. We die as martyrs for a cause we don't even know about."
"Please believe me, love..."
"Timothy, look. I'm givin' you the benefit of the doubt about this whole 'premonition' thing, but if someone tells me that I'm gonna be dead in a few days, I'm gonna do every stinkin' thing I can to make sure that doesn't 'appen. For the better of others or no, I'm not ready to go just yet."
"Kate, you don't understand."
"I'm pretty sure I do," she snapped.
Timothy honestly looked distraught. "Kate, please. Try and see this my way."
"You want to lay down and die? You do that. I refuse." She stood up from the couch and stepped back.
"Kate, love, please don't go."
"We can talk about this later." The words came out much sharper than she intended, and in her friend's eyes she could see that he had felt the cut. In that moment, she didn't care. She was angry and she was afraid, and no one could give her any straight answers.
She stalked towards the door and flung it open. To her shock, there was a man standing there. He wore the blue and silver uniform of the royal guard.
Her heart cried out in fear. They've found me. She attempted to keep her composure and waited for him to speak.
"Kate Thompson?"
"Yes." Her voice quivered slightly.
He reached out and roughly grabbed her arm, pinning it behind her.
"Timothy!" she screamed. "Timothy, get out!"
A moment later, he came running from the parlor, his green eyes wide.
She gritted her teeth in frustration. Fool boy.
The guard shoved her forward and to the side, kicking the back of her knees, forcing her to kneel on the floor.
Three men rushed forward to apprehend Timothy; he was no match for them.
After a few moments of struggle, he also was kneeling on the floor.
"What's all this about?" His voice was surprisingly hard, harder than Kate had ever heard from him. "You've no right to arrest this woman."
Something in her heart pulled at the realization that he would never plead for himself, only for her.
The head guard, or so Kate guessed he was, cleared his throat. He had red hair and a short, copper beard.
"I think you'll find we have every right."
"We've done nothing!" Kate struggled against the man holding her hands behind her, but he was strong.
"You have been arrested for crimes against the Crown."
"What crimes?"
"Undisclosed."
Timothy's eyes lit up with rage. "You can't do this. Arrest us and then don't tell us why?"
"Orders from the captain."
"You can say that all you like, it's not right for you to do this," Kate insisted.
The smart remark earned Kate a slap from one of the troops nearby.
"Leave her alone!"
Timothy never yelled.
The leader seemed uncomfortable. "I am... sorry. I wish I could tell your crime, but I cannot."
"Sure," Kate muttered, her face still stinging from the blow.
"We are to take them back to the prison now. You..." He paused, almost regretfully. "You are to be executed at the setting of the sun."
Kate couldn't keep the fear from choking out all rational thought in her mind. Timothy's voice echoed in her mind. We're gonna die.
Next to her, he hung his head. "I'm so sorry." His voice broke, too heavy with emotion to stay strong. "I didn't know it would be today. I'm so sorry."
They were both roughly shoved to their feet and made to walk forward, out into the sunlit street. Kate was silent, and kept her eyes down. Timothy walked next to her, still muttering apologies.
He was right.
I can't believe he was actually right.
~~~~
In my opinion, this version is much better than the first one. I still think it has a ways to go before it's where it should be, but this isn't really a bad start.
Sorry for the long post everyone! I hope the insight I've been able to give from my limited experience editing has somehow helped you, and I hope you like the sneak peek of the book. I'd love to hear from you; just comment below!
In my opinion, this version is much better than the first one. I still think it has a ways to go before it's where it should be, but this isn't really a bad start.
Sorry for the long post everyone! I hope the insight I've been able to give from my limited experience editing has somehow helped you, and I hope you like the sneak peek of the book. I'd love to hear from you; just comment below!
